Papa had a big bulge protruding through his boxers.

I was not too young to know what it was.

An erection.

For Mama.

I was embarrassed for all of us. But mostly afraid of Papa’s reaction to the intrusion by church members of his weekly snack.

Sister Agnes was in shock as she couldn’t seem to lift her eyes from below Papa’s waistline.

“I….I….we…..” she finally closed her eyes, took a deep breathe and stepped away, pushing Brother Dele forward.

Papa, a smirk on his face was greatly amused by sister Agnes’ reaction to his still bulging male member.

“Good evening Sir,” Brother Dele, attempted a weak smile, “ we are here to see mama Ejiro, she did not attend the weekly service as promised ”

He looked down at me, “Ejiro, how are you?”

I stepped back and said nothing. Tricia had disappeared into mama’s room. Mama remained in her room.

Scared to death, I imagined.

I was waiting for Papa to slap him or something but it never came, instead he said “ why don’t you come in and have a seat”


Even brother Dele couldn’t believe it. Sister Agnes looked agitated.

“Huh, we can always come back later, there’s no urgency”

He turned to leave but papa said “Haba, young man, come on in, I insist” He pulled Brother Dele in and looked at Sister Agnes, motioning her to come in as well. Sister Agnes was distraught, she looked ready to pass out.

“My wife is probably sleeping right now” He said this loud enough for Mama to hear and know not to come out.

He gestured at the chairs, “please have a seat”.

Sister Agnes, highly uncomfortable sat opposite him, trying with little success to stop staring below Papa’s waist.

Papa very aware of this sat with his legs wide open.

I looked at him in disdain and he motioned for me to go join Mama in the room.

I reluctantly obeyed.

Mama was behind the door as i opened it. Tricia sat on the bed, staring into space. Mama put a finger on her lips, a sign to not say anything.

As if, I thought.

She leaned on the door as it closed, eavesdropping on papa’s conversation with her guest

I looked at her wondering why she put up with papa’s nonsense.

Mama was very beautiful.

She had a kind of understated beauty, her skin fair, almost like a porcelain dolls and completely flawless, eyes the shade of burning coal and velvety black hair like leaves in the autumn breeze, her long lashes framed her eyes, the full cushion of her lips, her ample bosom and slim waist to the round curve of her generous hips, She was a beautiful and a very timid woman.

Timid, perhaps because she was so disarmingly unaware of her beauty.

Men desired her.

People held her gaze for a split second longer than necessary as if to digest her prettiness.

But Mama was stuck on Papa. That treated her like crap.

“Sister Agnes what do you do?, apart from serving God”, we heard papa say.

Mama cringed.

“Huh….ermmm” I could imagine her trying hard to stare papa in the face.”

“I’m a teacher”

“Hmmm”, Papa said ‘Why would a beautiful young woman like you choose such profession? Surely you have a lot more to offer?”

I looked through the keyhole just in time to see Sister Agnes blushing profusely.

Sister Agnes was far from beautiful… She was not overly old, but her body had aged passed her years so much so that she wore the wizened features of an old crone. Her dark hair peeping through her beret lay limply framing her aging face. Her forehead was wrinkled by many peaks and trenches – caused by years of consistent scowling. The scowl was missing today though, thanks to Papa. Her entire face always seemed drained of any signs of joy, instead her frumpy cheeks told a tale of regular displeasure, she despised Mama for her beauty but always acted like she was her best friend.

She was a church bully, an overly self righteous so-called Christian.

Why was Papa flirting with this woman?

Mama was also looking confused.

“What is your name young man?”, papa asked brother Dele.

“Brother Dele…err Dele”

“Ahh….can you excuse us for a minute brother Dele, I would like to speak to sister Agnes alone”

“errrr, yes yes” Brother Dele practically ran out of the room .

Sister Agnes shifted on her seat. “err…”

“i don’t bite” Papa said and laughed.

“Come closer” He said.

“Have you ever heard of a three-some?

Mama froze.


“Gboa”, my mother’s palm found my face.
“How many times will I tell you to stop using that foul language in my house”
“but mummy..”
I scampered to safety as I saw her hands taking flight again.
She looked at me long and hard before deciding I was not worth chasing this early morning. After wagging her finger at me in warning she went back to the kitchen.
Dapo was going to pay for this. The foolish boy. He had made me lose my temper and curse him out loud, forgetting my Christian mother was within earshot.
“Titilola”, she screamed again.
What did did I do again, I thought.
“Ma”,I said from the entrance, there was no way I was moving close to her. My mother was very quick to use her hands and typically anything within reach to knock sense into you.
“Come here”, I took a step forward.
She was standing over a hot pot of Ila-Assepo, stirring its moist content into submission to the whims of her ladle.
“Where did your father say he’s going “
“He didn’t tell me anything Ma”
“Call your brother for me”
I quickly left.
I went to his room and knocked the door ajar, ‘you must be very stupid for what you made me do there and then you ran away when momsi came abi, anyways she’s calling you”
Why is she calling me?
Go and ask her, nonsense.
I went to my room to catch up with the series I was watching earlier.
“Titilola!” I heard barely twenty minutes later.
Will this woman just leave me alone. What is it again? I walked into the living room to find my mom, my brother and my Dad sitting down.
“Ma” I said.
“Pass me the remote”
Dapo was sitting right there but she had to call me from my room.
I walked to the TV stand, picked up the remote, handed it to her and proceeded to return to my room.
“Come back here” Now what. “Sit down”
I sat beside my brother wondering what in heaven’s name was going on.
“Titilola, Titilola, Titilola, how many times did I call you?
‘Three times Ma”
How old are you?
I looked at my Dad, who was also looking back at me. His expression blank. He always allowed my Mom take the lead.
“I’m thirty”
“Your are thirty” she said smiling, “What are you still doing in my house at thirty, this woman?
So now I’m a woman but I was a child when she slapped me some thirty minutes back.
My brother snickered and I slapped his head.
“When am I going to see my grand children?” She held her breast dramatically and I almost laughed
“But Mummy, Adekunle hasn’t said anything about Marriage”
“Ade who?, ehhh omo yi ma pami? Adekunle that boy, that musician? that can barely feed himself, Baba Titi say something” she cried.
“Mummy he will soon blow o, please leave that one” if looks could kill, I probably would have died that day.
“I have told you to end things with that boy, after spending all our hard earned money to educate you, you want to marry a musician”
“But Mummy…’’ I said, “We love each other and he is a focused young man with big visions”
My mother was already crying at this point.
“Titi” my Dad said, looking like he would rather be somewhere else than having this conversation. “Your mother is right, you are not getting any younger, you need to start thinking about marriage”
“I know Dad”, I said, but I’m not in any hurry”
“Titilola look at me, where is Tolani now, Iya Biola’s last child? , where is Juliet, the your fine friend? In America with her Husband abi? Tolu nko?  Why do you want to be the unfortunate one, this child? Why do you want to disgrace me in public.
I was just staring at my Mom wondering what to say. Her drama was just too much.
“Mummy, see ehn, I’m sure Adekunle will come and see you soon”
“I don’t want to see that boy with chicken legs in my house o, there’s someone I want you to meet, your father and I have discussed it . His name is Adetola Martins, he is a Medical Doctor from Atlanta.
I burst into laughter. My Mom has now turned matchmaker.
“Why are you laughing?” she was looking at me with less anger and more pity this time. When do you want me to carry my grandchildren, when I’m old and dying. Iya Bose my friend from training school is already expecting her second grandchild, I will not be shamed”
I was quiet, i really just wanted to get back toy movies. My Dad looked tired as well. We were all tired but my Mum. She was ever gingered.
“You know Iya Debora’s son-in-law, Deji? That one that came to drop that bag rice last Christmas? Anyway Adetola was his roommate when they were in school doing their Masters. He is here in Nigeria, I ran into him and Deji at Iya Debora’s place yesterday and invited them for lunch this afternoon. ”
What?! NO NO NO
I had a lunch date with Adekunle that afternoon.
To be Continued.

The Proposal

When-are-you-two-getting-marriedI was holding on to a club chair twerking furiously to Rihanna’s “Work” . It was girls night out and me and my friends, Tolu and Juliet were having the best time of our life. We were at a corner in the VIP section, our table littered with food, wine and whatnot. “Rih got nothing on me” Juliet cried as she whined her waist to the seductive rhythm of the loud music.
Suddenly the music changed. To Timi Dakolo’s “Iyawo Mi”. Egbami! Whc kain DJ? I was still complaining, slightly miffed at the rude interruption, when I saw my boyfriend, Adekunle. He even came with his friends.
“Really Babe? I said as he kissed me lightly on the lips, “what part of girls night out don’t you understand, abi are you a girl, Oga Ade? I looked back at my girls to apologise but they were already talking to some of Kunle’s friends. I turned back to find Kunle with one knee on the floor, holding out a box. What!! Omg!! Tolu and Juliet were apparently a part of this plan, i could see their barely contained excitement from the corner of my eyes.

“Titi, its been two beautiful years of knowing you, we were friends then we became lovers, you have been a friend, a confidant, a comforter, you are a beautiful and caring person and have always been there for me 100% through the bad times and the good times. I bless God for that day you walked into my life. Titi, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to wake up to your smile every morning, I want to raise our kids with you, and watch them grow with you, I want to take a chance at forever with you my baby, Titilola Edu Peperempe, I love you, will you marry me?

At this point I was already crying, I never knew how deep what I felt for this guy was, but at this point I knew for sure as I looked into his teary eye, that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.
“Yes baby” I screamed, holding out my hand “Yes I’ll marry you”

We shared a soul searing kiss, sealing our promise to each other amidst loud applause from our friends and onlookers.

Seki!!!!, no work today abi? see spittle on your lips,It’s 7 a.m o!
Sigh! It was just a dream. I dialled Kunle’s num ” babe, so I’m thinking of a girls night out this Friday…..